Strange Milieu

Iln Medias Res

Very few people could even figure that anything did happen much less know about our charade. We put up a front of friendship. We smiled for everyone and we laughed for everyone. We even greeted each other for everyone to see. But, our words were always either empty or strained with the undertow of our burdened relationship.

Heaven knows how many times I've been asked by our closest friends why I love you. Why you of all people? All I ever said was "I don't know." I never really thought about it. I never really tried to figure things out. I had decided early on to chalk it up to unexplainable emotions, which never had any reason for being. I should have asked myself why I fell in love with you the moment it happened, but I didn't. I should have wondered. You did.

Even you asked me why the moment you realized my feelings for you ran deeper than you thought was possible or appropriate given that you were my boyfriend's closest thing to a bestfriend. I gave you my usual answer and yet, I was the one who told you that very same night, "Once you know why you love a person, it would be easy to fall out of love." It was my personal theory. It was my personal belief. I saw love as some kind of disease that could be cured once its cause was found. Finding the reason for loving someone may not be the cure for love, but it would most likely help in the "getting over" process. True love should be about "despite" and not "because". I sincerely believe that up to now.

You agreed. Then, you practically ordered me, "Then, find out why."

Maybe it was to spite you or maybe it was my innate masochism. Despite all the trouble my feelings for you caused, I never did search for a way to get rid of them. For a long time until now, our relationship remains vague and our story is without a conclusive ending.

posted by beautiful stranger @ 8:08 AM